I am not a happy-camper at the moment.
I don't like my life-style. I'm restless, not enough exercise, no social activities and there are only limited things I can do. My sleep is disturbed and changes everyday. I'm not motivated neither do I feel I'm making any changes to my life. Everyday is the same routine, day in day out. The weather is not helping. I get cranky easily. I've two-dollars in my bank account, a calendar filled with appointments and clothes are getting tighter and more uncomfortable every day. I want to go swimming or a walk in the park but the weather's making it impossible. There are so many baby preparations we need to get on with and I feel there are so much obstacles coming our way. With GD, it's making me feel like I'm failing my husband, my baby, myself and everyone else around me. I feel like I'm making situation worse. This is truly a trying time for me. With hormones cracking in my third trimester, I can go burst into rage or tears any moment now. I still trick myself to telling tomorrow will be a better day and we'll get some good news but now I think I should stop. Hoping doesn't seem to get me anywhere. I'm at the lowest point of my pregnancy. And no, there's nothing you can do about it but thank you for lending an ear.
2 comments:
can you imagine dear, i've never been pregnant, never felt the kicks of my baby, never felt the happiness to hear my baby heartbeat. but i have to explain about early years development everyday to my students. whats good and whats not.
i get cranky sometimes too.
we talk about gratitude a lot in our culture but find it difficult to practice right?
hi azura
oh dear, babe.. never a day goes by without me being thankful and grateful to have easily conceived. trust me. never.
2 days ago i've been diagnosed with GD. it means currently i am putting my baby, myself and my husband at risk on many levels. the diagnose shouldn't come as a surprise since both my parents suffers type 2. and i knew abt it. i haven't been taking care of myself. i've failed many people around me.
i've to prick myself 4 times every day that the tips of my fingers are sore. if i'm lucky, by next week or so i just might have to shoot myself up with insulin 4 times a day. i try to keep my BSL under control but it kept creeping up on me no matter how much or what i do. i know it might be the placenta blocking. i've researched and met an expert on it. though it doesn't make the pain, frustration and devastation go away.
lack of food might harm my baby. and myself since i've low blood pressure. lack of food also causes mood swings and not to mention i'm currently an emotional wreck.
please don't judge me for having bad days. i am pregnant after all. it's the GD talking. even without GD, pregnancy hormones run around crazily. i am doing my best, i know.
at the moment, somehow my best just doesn't seem good enough.
take care you too =)
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