Work Work Work..

Sigh

Mommy's feeling blue today.

Today's the day I'd have to make a rather crucial decision that'll affect our future, my career development and our time together. But of course, I always try my best to put Daddy and you first. No questions asked.

I feel you are still very young. I feel you need me to be around. And I feel I don't want to miss more than what I have missed of you when I started working. Period.

Yes. I am a very much dedicated mother. I am family-oriented. I don't go chase my dreams/careers and leave everyone else behind. I created a family, I want a family and I put priority to my family.

Few years from now when you're not very much dependant, I might try again. Pursue that so called 'dream' I have in mind. No, I don't set goals. I'm too afraid of it. I get busted and disappointed by it many times. And no, I'd prefer not to set any either. I have a dream and I want to have a direction heading towards it. When can that happen.. anytime.

So here I am about to make that important call declining the other job offer while accepting another. That crucial decision. I can see myself and our future with the job I am about to decline. I see a tired me and a different you. And if by any way you turn out to be someone that I don't recognize or know anymore because of the less time spent with you, I'd be another very disappointed mother with loads of money, little life satisfaction with a troubled look on her face trying to hold her confused looking daughter's hand. I know I cannot be both (good mother and career) but I can take my chances and certainly try to be.

So this is my path.
This is my decision and Mommy loves you very much.

Let's go make that call, shall we?