Friday, October 7, 2016

Updates 9wks, 10wks, 11wks and 12wks

8wks and 9wks
Tuesday, the day after my eye appointment. After sending off Daddy and Mia to work and school, I took you and off we went to send some jellies for a friend daughter's birthday party. The journey took close to 30mins. I buckled in, crossed fingers and hope for the best. You were good. Slept and stirred few times but you didn't wake up. Upon reaching home, you didn't want to continue sleeping and had a hard time settling but not too bad, considering. It was also the day I decided to fully formula feed you. I fed you, you settled much better. With tears, I apologised for all the hard time we had to go through with breastfeeding. Thrush, mastitis, wind, latching, etc. I whispered in your ear and I also said "Mum's  crazy, isn't she?". I hope you understand. And forgive me. I hope, in time, I will learn to forgive myself.

The following day, Aunty Ida and Aunty Yvonne and I met up at Pasta Deli for brunch. I am so grateful for some social life. Everything felt so overwhelming as of late. It was also the Wednesday morning that I was supposed to meet up with the lactation consultant. I didn't go. Instead, I went to my GP which I have already made an appointment with together with having you immunised for your 6wks shot. Your shots were scary to me. There were 2 shots and I had to hold your upper body close while they (a nurse and doc) injected both your thighs at the same time. Of course you screamed. But upon cuddles, you settled again. Then daddy took you while i went for my checkup next. Polyp still there, a report been sent to WCH, etc etc.

Thursday is Mia's appointment with Dr Powers. He looks older. And must have some hearing problems. Her liver is a little off but nothing to worry too much about. Friday is school closure day. We went to the Royal Adelaide Show! Your first time. By the end of today I was feeling even more exhausted and anxiety creeping in. You have started conversations with Daddy and Mia. Not so much with me.

Week 9
By Sunday night I was getting more anxious. Especially as night time nears and Daddy has to work the following day.

I'm not quite sure when but at some point I started sleeping on the couch instead in the room with you. You're such a noisy sleeper and it also gives Dad a chance to take over night feeds if you wake up when he's still not sleeping.

Monday is also another blood test and checkup. We are still waiting for you haemoglobin to shoot up to normal so we can circumsize you. At some point also you were asked to take folic acid, vit e and iron supplements. By this time you have acknowledged me and talked to me a little. One full conversation.

By this week I had thought to myself that I need to get out of the house while Daddy's at work so Tuesday went to Mia's school and for a walk at the oval before pick up time. Wednesday is inspection day and later, another meet up at Pasta Deli with the Aunties. Teared up and feeling still anxious and quite overwhelmed. Today you had another full conversation with me while Aunty Yvonne took a picture of us. Thursday met up with Jocelyn at BV again. Friday morning I took you to Mia's school assembly. I had prepared your mid morning bottle earlier and after assembly I took you to Marden Shopping Centre for coffee while I held you for your nap. Spent time there alone with you til you woke up for a feed and went Woolies before heading home. Feeling a little grateful weekend is just the next day.

Week 10
By this week Daddy takes over at least one night round. You're pretty good, actually. Waking up at 11pm-ish and/or 4am-ish. But like Mia, you're like a 7am alarm clock. Not that you're hungry or anything. You just want the lights on. And carried on having conversations with the bedroom light for half or hour or so before I pick you up for a change and feed. By this week I'm already noticing you nap less than an hour. At most 40mins. You're good at night. Self settle after feed and bedtime. But naps are bad. Usually after 30-40min you'd wake and I'll have to pick up and shush pat you again. Then you'll continue to sleep. Your wake time is only up to an hour after feed. No matter what we do. Unless you sleep on me or in your stroller or in your carrier. You can go on and nap for longer.

Monday is another blood test and thank god your haemoglobin has gone up from 68 to 80. Bilirubin has already gone down. So we're now referred to Dr Power and no more blood testing. Just an appointment with Dr Ram the haematologist next Tuesday. I am feeling less overwhelmed and anxious by this week. I reckon it was the lack of sleep and nightly wakings alone that wrecked me. Also worrying about your health. Tuesday went to send my phone for fixing. They said it'll take a week or so. Wednesday no more Pasta Deli meetings since both aunties are busy. Friday another meetup with Aunty Jocelyn and her Abby.

Week 11
Daddy had the Monday off from work so he stayed with you while I went for Mia's school showcase. Tuesday was the appointment with Dr Ram the haematologist. It was at a centre at WCH together with Oncology. Quite depressing to see little children with cancer. You slept through the whole appointment.

By this week you showed a pattern somewhat. Bedtime at 7 or 8pm and you only sometimes wake up at 10 or 11pm for a last feed. Sometimes at 1 or 2 am. But most times 4am ish.

Week 12
Sunday night we were invited to Karen n Suzanne's for moussaka and roast chicken dinner. You were good. Though you did manage to poo loudly while in your carrier. And while we were all at the table having dinner! Rest of the time you slept and interacted well. Slept in my arms til midnight! Went home and still slept. Well done, boy. Monday was labour day. Mia is also her 2 weeks spring break. Tuesday we sent Dad to work and came home so you can get your morning nap. Then we went to the park behind our house. I carried you in the BabyBjorn and you loved the swing. Wednesday Daddy had the day off and Mia has a playdate so we sent Mia and went to Cibo BV while we waited for her.

Thursday was your appointment with Dr Power. By now you weigh 5.6kg, 60cm in length. 120ml milk 6 to 7 times a day. He said we can try reduce the feed to 6. Been gaining 200g/week. You're certainly bigger than Mia. Dr said we can try solids by 4 months following the latest guideline. I'm not sure how I feel abt it yet. Now that you're 12 weeks, circumcision can only happen after 6 months under general anaesthetic. Referred to WCH. Another appointment with Dr Power in 3 wks time. Now to just monitor you. Mentioned to him about your nap. He said "to use tough love" and "let him take care of himself". Meaning leave you to cry it out for as long as it takes to sleep back again.

Friday we sent Daddy off to work and came home for your nap. I let you cry for 30mins before coming in because it was nearing your feed time. Your wake time can sometimes stretch to 1hr 15mins after feed but only sometimes.

On another note, I got my period back today.

Tomorrow is weekend again.
And I'm still sleeping on the couch. With the baby monitor.
I still don't dare to sleep in the room with you.

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