I just got off the phone with Mama.
To my surprise, once I uttered "guess what ma, i'm 5 wks pregnant", tears start streaming down. In fact, I'm writing this entry blurry-eyed. Then I realized. I am scared. I feel alone. My support network is so far away! But I'll be fine. I know I will. It was just the hormones acting up, eh.
A bigger news came through. Mama said the family might come in November during Adik's holiday! Great, eh? Then I called Papa. Apparently Mama had sms him the news. So it didn't come as a shock when I called him but he couldn't talk long. So then I called Abg. He was so shocked, he couldn't stop laughing. I told him to stop laughing but he said he can't. He's just too happy. And he said if it were to be Kak De, Kak Da or Kak Ngah (our older cousins), it would have not been a big deal. This is coming from his own sister! His very own nephew/niece! Most of our conversation was filled with his laughter. I couldn't make sense most of what he's saying. Just too funny my brother. Geez! Adik questions why we didn't tell him earlier. I suppose 5 weeks is a bit too long to keep the news. Well, welcome to the confusion of pregnancy weeks =) 4-5 weeks is the earliest to find out you're pregnant, dear.
Breaking the news to Makcha is easier. Though she seems to have a lot more questions than Mama and the doc! It does make me calmer knowing someone other than myself is keeping notes. Mama said surah Luqman and Mariam is the best to verse during pregnancy. She also mentioned to take supplements and be careful. Actually they all did. Kak long has sms congratulations.
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8 comments:
Welcome to the club mommy dearie. I am all ears if you ever need any advice or a different perspective from the younger generation than Mama. He He He. I hope she is not blogging as well.
I think it's cool if you can add the countdown gadget in your blog.
Countdown to your delivery will be pretty cool. You can go to Layout and add a gadget.
thnks along nie! no i didn't tell mama about the blog or she'll start obsessively point out what i'm doing wrong, wouldn't she. and start checking my grammar, oh god!
oh what do u mean countdown gadget? is it like the one i have to the right side on my blog? i stumble across some tickers and thought they're pretty cool huh
Its similar to what you have added, but this one with weeks, days, minutes and seconds count down.
In Layout setting, click add gadget, then choose technology option. Scroll down and you will see countdown button click on then + sign. Then, name your countdown title to example "The Big Day", put in the expected delivery date, click Save. You shall have this gadget on your blog.
I have this on my blog. I will share you my blog, but this is very P&C from the family, but not for public (irony isn't it). I think being in our family you know the exaggeration can be quite hazardous most of the time.
My blog is yusnimj.blogspot.com.
That is another side of me, the vulnerable one that you yet to see. The outer facade seems control but the inner self still has doubt, uncertainty and question much like anyone else.
oh yeah! i tried that one before but it's suddenly seems daunting to me to see it in my blog. so i opted for the one i hv right now hehe
and yes, it's difficult to communicate with certain people in our family sometimes. this is the space i allow myself to be vulnerable. which in return makes me more honest and truthful. then acknowledge what's going on in my life and make decisions appropriately.
hard when we're not allowed to feel what we're supposed to feel, eh? especially in front of our family? bizarre.
Thank God, I have another person in the family who think the same way.
The family of all people is the most judgmental about our decisions and choices. Not that they mean harm but they think they know best because have been them, done that and etc.
I sometimes make the same thing to my children. But when I realized, I quickly said to myself, this is their life, it must be their decision. As a mom and you are becoming one already, we should love our children and allow them to grow up and learning from the mistakes. But this is the toughest one to do, because of our love to them we protect them so much until we suffocate them. This is the same things Mami does to me and Mama does to you. But since we know, we just let it be and know in our heart mommy is doing her job and love us a lot. By being pregnant and later having a baby, your bond with your mother will be stronger because you know what she has gone through for you.
I certainly make peace with Mami after I had Jazmin.
That's what people say! I sure hope (certainly for a long while now) that we (mama and I) will look at each other eye-to-eye now that I'm pregnant.
I came to a conclusion sometime ago (not that I've remotely any experience of any sort) that parenting perhaps is like having a dog (or cat in our case) on a leash. The shorter the leash is, the further it wants to be away from you and aggressive it gets.
I feel Mama's losing me so much than I am/will allowing her to be. After such long, long years (and of course studying psychology helps) I no longer blame her for her actions. I'd rather be putting it this way. She did/does to the best of her knowledge, judgment and perhaps experience with me at the time. Though I may not agree with her, it never means she doesn't love me. I'm no longer angry with her. She didn't have a good relationship with her mom and that's all she has to model what mother-daughter relationship is supposed to be. She's afraid to stray away from what she experienced before and too scared to implement new ones. Furthermore, her first born turns out to be a daughter. Maybe this is just her way (and perhaps her mom's way too) of showing love. And unfortunately I had to come learning it the hard way. Yet I don't blame myself either. I was very immature (rebellious too) and young to understand it all. We're just both victims of circumstances, I suppose.
With that in mind, I sincerely hope I don't live up to all this for years to come. Sometimes kan Along Nie, I really feel living at home (Msia) is toxic for me. Altered my thinking and behavior from those pressures they put (and have been putting) on us. It's so easy to fall back into that stereotypical mind after living and been brainwashed with for so long. Sad, eh? I think Mama and I do far better when I'm away. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all. =)
God it feels so much better laying this all out to a family. The only person I've ever talked about what I feel a lot is with Abg Pu (wonder if he knows I'm preggie). It's different when talking to a female relative. I tend to blurt out more and much easier, I suppose. Not that I like talking bad about Mama. Sometimes I need to let the 'steam' out. Especially good to someone who I know would understand. With that, I thank you and certainly feel honored you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable with me. This is my deep and dark part.
No problem. I do agree with you distance make heart grows fonder. Your relationship with Mama, not much different between my relationship with Mami. Sometimes, I do wish I am in a foreign land with my immediate family because you know how relatives can be.
The problem is that we take each other for granted when we are among relatives. We can be polite and sensitive with friends but with relatives we tend to say things that are hurting and thought it's ok. We have a very unique way of showing our love kan among families.
Your mama is very proud of you that I know for sure. She talked about you highly to others.
As long as we can accept them as the way they are, I think it's good enough. We cannot change them but we can change how we feel towards them. What you are doing now is great. Just let go Ja what has happened and embrace the change. The sooner you accept her as herself, the better the relationship between you and Mama will be.
To build that bridge back will be from your effort and when you play your cards well she will reciprocate accordingly. After all besides being mom, we know they are just woman like you and me. They look tough but we know there's always the soft spot inside them for us.
p/s Do you know that I only start hug my mother about 8 years ago after I saw my sis in law hugged her when bersalam. Imagine that Ja, I have to let others teach me a lesson. I have to take the first move. Ja if you want to improve the relationship between you and Mama, you have to make that first move. I have longed buried all the frustration I have towards Mami and now I can accept her as she is.
Ja, is tough being the first born, daughter especially. Actually both of us not much different in this sense.
I am all ears for you if you need any opinion on matters. After all you are my baby cousin.
I don't mind sharing my experience with you and I hope in a mini way it can be of good use to you as well.
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