Challenging Times

I haven't written for a long time.

There are so much to tell.
At 5wks I experienced bleeding. It was light then become heavier and darker. Went to GP. Scheduled an ultrasound and they couldn't see anything. No pole, no yolk sac not even a flicker of heartbeat. They wrote, highly suspicious this is blighted ovum. Went home. Devastated. Didn't quite know what to feel, or think, really. They said to come back after 5 days. WA Yvonne.

5 days later, there you are.
I couldn't help but shed a few tears.

7wks another spotting.
Back to GP, scheduled another scan. Heartbeat still strong. But they did saw a small pool of blood near the sac.

8wks decided to break the news to Mia. She was ecstatic when she saw the 2 lines. Priceless. Had been bleeding for 2 days by now, bright red, soaked pad, so went back to gp the next day. Another scan. All good.

9wks Mia had a friend sleepover. It wasn't successful. We sent her back at 11.30pm. By around 1.30am, felt a gush of blood coming. Went to the toilet and a palm sized clot went down. And still bleeding lots. Went to gp next day, she said that sounds like a miscarriage. I requested for an ultrasound, she said "no point really. All you'd be able to see are clumps of blood clots. We'll take your blood today, you can come back in a week's time and we'll take another blood sample and the next day we can see if you're levels are dropping (miscarried) or rising (not miscarried)."

In the meantime she went to Khairul and apologised for our loss etc etc. We went home. I couldn't stop crying. I cannot wait a week either. Besides, I just don't feel we've lost you. Khairul came in the room and suggested to go to WCH (hospital) and demand an ultrasound. The same day, we went. Waited for a while. Brought all our previous scans with us. And they did a scan. You are there. Your heartbeats as strong as ever. Mia saw you for the first time. Your daddy too. They also saw a pool of blood around the sac. Subchronic Hematoma. What a crazy day!

So because of all the bleeding, they decided to do a vaginal check as well as Pap Smear. They found polyps (benign tumor) at the cervix and quite a decent size. Blood could've come from either polyps or sac. The bleeding is just like period. But with no odor. I feel like I'm wearing more pads than non-pregnant state!

On Christmas Eve I had my first appointment with the midwife. Took lots of info and I was 10wks 2dys. And bleeding again. They decided to do another scan. Cheeky baby even waved at us! We got a picture. We'll frame it next to Mia's.

Today at 11wks 5dys I have been bleeding again. It had stopped for abt 4 days before and I thought it was the end of it. Then 3dys ago blood and clots came through the toilet. I decided to wait this time until next appt 15th Jan. If it gets worse, then obviously I'll head straight to WCH.

Oh baby.
You're surely a tough one this time. Emotionally and physically. I feel cramps, backpains and sharp pains just like miscarrying would be like!